Alain de Botton
Philosophy for everyday life; The School of Life; religion for atheists
19 videos analysed · 80 quotes checked word for word · updated 2026-10-22
Key facts
- Born 20 December 1969 in Zurich; studied history at Cambridge and philosophy at King's College London. Wikipédia 2026 · Alain de Botton
- His TED talk Atheism 2.0 dates from TEDGlobal 2011. Video 2011 · Atheism 2.0
- He trained as a psychotherapist and says he practises one day a week. Video 2025 · How to Write Something Truly…
Positions
click a row to see the evidenceIn a 2012 interview he called himself genuinely an atheist and said he was not looking for God or a replacement for God. At TED he said "of course there's no God", and in Sydney: "I don't think God exists. Now, let's move on." For him the question of God's existence is "boring and sterile"; what matters is how to live without God.
- For him it is simply plain that there is no God, no deities or angels; he finds the debate over God's existence boring and sterile because it never makes progress. Video 2012 · Atheism 2.0 | Alain de Botton23
- Dismissing all religion as a belief in fairies is too easy: religions are the most sophisticated attempts to change the inner life, and the secular world has not worked out how to organise it. Video 2012 · Atheism 2.0 | Alain de Botton23
- Secular culture should 'steal' from religions their community, ritual and repetition (our minds are like sieves, so they repeat their teaching), and the relief of feeling small. Video 2026 · Love is a skill, not a feeling:…23
- Unlike Richard Dawkins, he finds that religion is not just silly: it is an amazingly beautiful and complex human achievement, and militant atheists underestimate human vulnerability. Video 2025 · How to Write Something Truly…2
The whole idea of a secular religion is unnecessary: we are all OK as it is, and believers just need to be set right with solid reason.
He says that for such 'militant' atheists life is an easy business, and they underestimate human vulnerability. Trying to talk people out of religion without paying attention to that seems to him a cynical ploy.
Picking the nice bits of religions and leaving the rest is a pick-and-mix approach that rifles through a buffet.
He agrees it is exactly that and is proud of it: if religions are cultural products made by humans, there is nothing wrong with choosing among them.
Mixed : The Religion of Humanity, Religion as man's projection
He prefers the old view that humans are fragile and flawed to the romantic belief that we are angelic by nature: "all of us are, in various ways... deeply crazy", "mad monkeys". For him this is a reason for kindness, not despair.
No sourced position yet on: Source of knowledge, Certainty, Mind and body, Freedom, Status of morality, Faith and reason, Meaning of life.
On the big questions
Does God exist?Atheism
He is an atheist who still values what religions offer: community, ritual, a sense of being small. He says secular culture should "steal from religions" and calls them "the most sophisticated attempts to persuade and change the inner life".
- For him it is simply plain that there is no God, no deities or angels; he finds the debate over God's existence boring and sterile because it never makes progress. Video 2012 · Atheism 2.0 | Alain de Botton23
- Dismissing all religion as a belief in fairies is too easy: religions are the most sophisticated attempts to change the inner life, and the secular world has not worked out how to organise it. Video 2012 · Atheism 2.0 | Alain de Botton23
- Secular culture should 'steal' from religions their community, ritual and repetition (our minds are like sieves, so they repeat their teaching), and the relief of feeling small. Video 2026 · Love is a skill, not a feeling:…23
- Unlike Richard Dawkins, he finds that religion is not just silly: it is an amazingly beautiful and complex human achievement, and militant atheists underestimate human vulnerability. Video 2025 · How to Write Something Truly…2
The whole idea of a secular religion is unnecessary: we are all OK as it is, and believers just need to be set right with solid reason.
He says that for such 'militant' atheists life is an easy business, and they underestimate human vulnerability. Trying to talk people out of religion without paying attention to that seems to him a cynical ploy.
Picking the nice bits of religions and leaving the rest is a pick-and-mix approach that rifles through a buffet.
He agrees it is exactly that and is proud of it: if religions are cultural products made by humans, there is nothing wrong with choosing among them.
Mixed : The Religion of Humanity, Religion as man's projection
The question on the site: all the argumentsWhat is happiness?No lasting happiness
He compares happiness to a mountain one never fully reaches, and says life is a series of dissatisfactions that one can keep under control. In his talks he prefers "fulfilment" to "happiness" (it is compatible with bad moods), says "there is only a better or a worse way to suffer", and notes that status anxiety makes failure crushing. This is our reading.
- There is no problem-free solution: we cannot have sex, love, stability, excitement and novelty all in one situation, only a better or a worse way to suffer. Video 2019 · The Course of Love: A…
- You can't have it all, so regret is not a personal curse but part of the human condition. Video 2023 · Why You Have Love &…
- He prefers 'fulfilment' to 'happiness', a brittle word that suggests unhappiness is failure; the trick is to achieve what you feel you are capable of. Video 2023 · Why You Have Love &…2
- Modern meritocracy makes failure crushing, because one's place in life seems deserved; he calls that idea completely crazy. Video 2009 · A kinder, gentler philosophy of…2
Happiness is possible: by fulfilling what is proper to a human being, a person can live well.
Defends : Pleasure is the aim of life, provided we sort our desires, Want only what is up to you
The question on the site: all the argumentsWho am I, really?A self to build
He pictures the true self as a shattered statue to be rebuilt from hints of interest, and says the goal of adulthood is to become one's own judge of one's worth. He even says that to understand oneself is "literally the meaning of life". This is our reading.
- The true self is like a shattered statue: the task of life is to rebuild it from small hints of interest. Video 2025 · Comforting Truths About Human…
- The goal of adulthood is to become your own judge of your worth, mission and joys, instead of letting others judge you on one small part of you. Video 2025 · Alain de Botton: How To Fall In…2
- The mind needs to be heard: insomnia is the revenge of the thoughts we avoided during the day, and to understand oneself is the meaning of life. Video 2023 · The Love Expert: The REAL Reason…2
There is no hidden true self to rebuild: the self is only a bundle of changing experiences.
What is love?Willing the other's good
He defines love as recognising that the other person is flawed and needs charity, and as an education of emotion in which each helps the other to improve. He is against the soulmate myth: love is a skill, and compatibility is an achievement of love. This is our reading.
- Romanticism is the greatest enemy of love: it promises that a soulmate ends loneliness and that we will recognise them by intuition, and the romantic way of loving has destroyed our capacity to love. Video 2016 · Alain de Botton on Love (Google…234
- Humans are not pure and kind but flawed and a bit crazy, so love means recognising that the other person is flawed and needs charity. Video 2016 · Alain de Botton on Love (Google…23
- Love is a skill and an education of emotion: each partner lets the other teach them, and compatibility is an achievement of love, not a precondition. Video 2017 · Dating and Deception: Alain de…234
- Childhood leaves unconscious emotional patterns, so we need self-knowledge and a 'therapeutic age' of relationships; arguments are two frightened people in a room. Video 2026 · Your attachment style was shaped…234
- The effortless first phase of love fades, but can be sustained by unromantic tools such as therapy, therapeutic conversations and reading. Video 2025 · Alain de Botton: What Does It…
Love is finding the other half made for you, so the right person makes love natural.
Criticizes : Finding one's other half
The question on the site: all the argumentsAre humans good by nature?Prone to evil
He sides with the old Augustinian view over Rousseau: we are all broken, warped and 'deeply crazy' from childhood, with an impulse even to pass our pain on. He does not mean wicked so much as flawed, and says a kindness exists in all of us. Hence love and humility: go easy on each other.
- None of us gets through childhood and adolescence with our sanity intact: we are all warped in our own way, and it may take fifty years to see how. Video 2016 · Alain de Botton: On Love (talk…2
- He reads original sin as a useful truth, not a dogma: we are all imperfect and crooked, so we should go easy on each other, and 'everybody is broken' is a good starting point for friendship. Video 2018 · How We Destroyed Our Capacity to…23
- Believing we are good people breeds self-righteousness, the enemy of lasting relationships; it is far better to enter them in an Augustinian spirit: I am broken, I am sinful, how are you? Video 2019 · Alain de Botton | The Course of…2
- We all carry a sadistic impulse: pain in ourselves turns into a wish to hand suffering on to someone else. Video 2025 · Comforting Truths About Human…
Children are born pure and good; only society corrupts them.
He answers that the romantic belief that everyone is angelic by nature is unhelpful: it makes us self-righteous and leaves no room for our partner's flaws, so it is far better to admit that we are all deeply crazy.
Criticizes : Man naturally good, corrupted by society
The question on the site: all the argumentsIn their words
I think religions are far too useful, complex, intelligent to be abandoned simply to those who happen to believe in them.
I don't think God exists. Now, let's move on.
I believe that Romanticism is the single greatest enemy we face for love
compatibility is an achievement of love. It isn't what you need from the outset
1 more quotes
there isn't a problem free solution there is only a better or a worse way to suffer for you
How the ideas evolved
Click a step for details1993Essays in Love
His first book, about falling in and out of love.
1997How Proust Can Change Your Life
His second book draws life lessons from the life and work of Marcel Proust.
2000The Consolations of Philosophy
He used Epicurus, Montaigne, Nietzsche, Schopenhauer, Seneca and Socrates to answer everyday troubles.
2008The School of Life
He co-founded it to direct knowledge towards life and away from knowledge for its own sake.
2009The Pleasures and Sorrows of Work
He surveys ten jobs to show the beauty, interest and horror of the modern working world.
2009TED talk: a kinder philosophy of success
He says that believing in pure meritocracy makes failure crushing, because one's place in life seems deserved, and calls the idea that everyone deserves what they get "completely crazy".
In their words« your position in life comes to seem not accidental, but merited and deserved »Argues that believing in a pure meritocracy makes failure feel crushing, because one's place seems deserved. watch
« This idea that everybody deserves to get where they get to, I think it's a crazy idea, completely crazy »Calls the idea that everyone deserves their position in life 'completely crazy'. watch
2011TED talk: Atheism 2.0
At TEDGlobal he said it is too easy to dismiss all of religion, and proposed that atheists borrow its forms and traditions.
2012Religion for Atheists
His book argues that non-believers should not leave religion to believers alone.
In their words« I'm genuinely an atheist and I'm not questing for God or replacement or a spirit or anything like that »Says he is genuinely an atheist and is not looking for God or a replacement for God. watch
« the secular world has not worked out all the answers and particularly when it comes to organizing the inner life »Says the secular world has not worked out how to organise the inner life, and wants guidance for life's big hurdles. watch
2013Art as Therapy
With John Armstrong he argues that some artworks offer clues for managing the tensions of everyday life.
2016The Course of Love
A novel about a long relationship, the follow-up to Essays in Love.
2016Romanticism, the enemy of love
In a Google Zeitgeist talk in London he calls romanticism "the single greatest enemy we face for love" and says we must give up many romantic feelings to love better. The Course of Love turns this into a novel.
In their words« I believe that Romanticism is the single greatest enemy we face for love »Calls Romanticism the greatest enemy of love and says we must give up many of its feelings to love better. watch
« when we eventually find the soulmate we will never be lonely again »Describes, with irony, the romantic promise that the soulmate ends loneliness, and then rejects it. watch
« we are not pure kind loving beings simply on the lookout for a soulmate we are deeply dangerous and most of us are on the edge of insanity »Says humans are not pure and kind but 'deeply dangerous' and close to madness, against the romantic picture. watch
2023Fulfilment instead of happiness, and A Therapeutic Journey
On a podcast he prefers the word "fulfilment" to "happiness" and says regret is part of the human condition. His book A Therapeutic Journey follows a mental crisis from its start to recovery; he says every case of mental unwellness hides "a deficit of love".
In their words« the trick of being happy is not to achieve anything and everything it's to achieve what you feel you're capable of »Says happiness comes from achieving what one feels capable of, not everything. watch
« there is something about the word happiness that is maybe a little bit brittle it it suggests that unhappiness means that one has failed »Prefers 'fulfilment' to 'happiness', since fulfilment is compatible with reversals and bad moods. watch
« you can't have it all and therefore regret is not some personal curse it's part of the human condition »Says every choice needs a sacrifice, so regret is part of the human condition. watch
The arguments 7
The site's arguments they defend or criticize, and why. Click a title to see the full argument.
In The Consolations of Philosophy (2000) he turns to Epicurus to console money worries: sort your desires and see how few you truly need.
In Religion for Atheists (2012) he draws on Comte's 'Religion of Humanity', the idea of a religion without God, while seeing that Comte's own project failed. In Sydney he calls it "very, very batty indeed but quite touching".
As a non-believer he sees religion as ascribing to a supernatural figure "a wisdom, a kindness that actually exists within all of us", and respects it rather than mocking it.
He often cites Socrates: knowing one's ignorance is the root of good thinking, and the unexamined life makes us suffer more than we need to.
He praises the Stoic idea that philosophy should train the mind to cope with what we cannot change, such as death.
He mocks the romantic promise that the soulmate will end all loneliness and understand us perfectly, and says romanticism is "the single greatest enemy" of love.
He traces the romantic belief that every human being is pure and good by nature (and that only society corrupts the child) back to Rousseau, and calls it unhelpful for relationships; he prefers the old view that we are all flawed.
Allies and opponents
Friedrich NietzscheInfluence
The Consolations of Philosophy applies his teachings to modern life. He also dates the end of religion as the guiding force to Nietzsche's "God is dead".
ÉpicureInfluence
The Consolations of Philosophy draws on him.
Michel de MontaigneInfluence
The Consolations of Philosophy draws on him.
Arthur SchopenhauerInfluence
The Consolations of Philosophy draws on him.
SenecaInfluence
The Consolations of Philosophy draws on him.
Sigmund FreudInfluence
He quotes Freud: happiness means getting love and work right, and builds on psychotherapy's view of childhood.
Augustine of HippoInfluence
A secular Jew, he borrows the idea of original sin, that all of us are flawed and need charity, without the belief behind it.
DDonald WinnicottInfluence
He borrows Winnicott's 'good enough' parent against perfectionism in love.
JJane AustenInfluence
He praises her for treating money as a real part of relationships.
Richard DawkinsDisagrees
He says militant atheists like Dawkins, who found his book unnecessary, underestimate human vulnerability; for him religion is "amazingly beautiful", not silly.
Jean-Jacques RousseauDisagrees
He traces the romantic belief in natural goodness back to Rousseau and prefers the older view of human flaws.
Signature ideas
Atheism 2.0
Atheists can keep their disbelief and still borrow religion's useful parts: self-improvement, education by repetition and ritual, and community.
Take the Compass: 5 minutes to find out which philosophers you are closest to.
All sources (76)
- Alain de Botton Wikipedia · 2026
- Atheist Alain de Botton insists society needs guidance from religion The Christian Post · 2012
- An interview with Alain de Botton The Believer · 2018
- Atheism 2.0 TED · 2011
- The Consolations of Philosophy alaindebotton.com (with The Times review by George Brock) · 2000
- Religion for Atheists Wikipedia · 2026
- Atheist Alain de Botton points out religion's usefulness YouTube · 2012
- Alain De Botton - Religion For Atheists (Ideas at the House) YouTube (Sydney Opera House) · 2013
- Alain De Botton - Religion For Atheists (Ideas at the House) YouTube (Sydney Opera House) · 2013
- Atheism 2.0 | Alain de Botton YouTube · 2012
- Alain de Botton: On Love (talk on The Course of Love) YouTube · 2016
- Alain de Botton on Love (Google Zeitgeist, London, May 2016) YouTube (The School of Life) · 2016
- Love is a skill, not a feeling: Full Interview YouTube (Big Think) · 2026
- Atheist Alain de Botton points out religion's usefulness YouTube · 2012
- Atheist Alain de Botton points out religion's usefulness YouTube · 2012
- Love is a skill, not a feeling: Full Interview YouTube (Big Think) · 2026
- How to Write Something Truly Beautiful (Alain de Botton Interview) YouTube · 2025
- The Love Expert: The REAL Reason We're Lonely, Loveless, Depressed YouTube · 2023
- Atheism 2.0 | Alain de Botton YouTube · 2012
- Atheist Alain de Botton points out religion's usefulness YouTube · 2012
- Alain de Botton: How To Fall In Love With Your Life (Begin Again) YouTube (Begin Again) · 2025
- How to Write Something Truly Beautiful (Alain de Botton Interview) YouTube · 2025
- Alain De Botton - Religion For Atheists (Ideas at the House) YouTube (Sydney Opera House) · 2013
- Alain De Botton - Religion For Atheists (Ideas at the House) YouTube (Sydney Opera House) · 2013
- Alain De Botton - Religion For Atheists (Ideas at the House) YouTube (Sydney Opera House) · 2013
- Why You Have Love & Relationships All Wrong: Alain De Botton YouTube (The High Performance Podcast) · 2023
- The Course of Love: A Conversation with Alain de Botton (Sternstunde Philosophie) YouTube (SRF Kultur) · 2019
- Love is a skill, not a feeling: Full Interview YouTube (Big Think) · 2026
- A kinder, gentler philosophy of success YouTube (TED) · 2009
- Why You Have Love & Relationships All Wrong: Alain De Botton YouTube (The High Performance Podcast) · 2023
- Why You Have Love & Relationships All Wrong: Alain De Botton YouTube (The High Performance Podcast) · 2023
- A kinder, gentler philosophy of success YouTube (TED) · 2009
- How We Destroyed Our Capacity to Love (Google Zeitgeist) YouTube (Google Zeitgeist) · 2018
- Love is a skill, not a feeling: Full Interview YouTube (Big Think) · 2026
- How We Destroyed Our Capacity to Love (Google Zeitgeist) YouTube (Google Zeitgeist) · 2018
- Dating and Deception: Alain de Botton on Deception in Love (Design Matters) YouTube (Design Matters) · 2017
- Alain de Botton on Love (Google Zeitgeist, London, May 2016) YouTube (The School of Life) · 2016
- Alain de Botton on Love (Google Zeitgeist, London, May 2016) YouTube (The School of Life) · 2016
- How We Destroyed Our Capacity to Love (Google Zeitgeist) YouTube (Google Zeitgeist) · 2018
- How We Destroyed Our Capacity to Love (Google Zeitgeist) YouTube (Google Zeitgeist) · 2018
- How We Destroyed Our Capacity to Love (Google Zeitgeist) YouTube (Google Zeitgeist) · 2018
- Alain de Botton | The Course of Love YouTube · 2019
- Dating and Deception: Alain de Botton on Deception in Love (Design Matters) YouTube (Design Matters) · 2017
- Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person (Google Zeitgeist) YouTube (Google Zeitgeist) · 2017
- Your attachment style was shaped before you turned 10 | Alain de Botton YouTube · 2026
- Your attachment style was shaped before you turned 10 | Alain de Botton YouTube · 2026
- Comforting Truths About Human Nature - Alain de Botton YouTube · 2025
- Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person (Google Zeitgeist) YouTube (Google Zeitgeist) · 2017
- Alain de Botton: What Does It Really Take to Find and Maintain Love Today? (Letters to Venus) YouTube (Letters to Venus) · 2025
- Comforting Truths About Human Nature - Alain de Botton YouTube · 2025
- Alain de Botton: How To Fall In Love With Your Life (Begin Again) YouTube (Begin Again) · 2025
- Love is a skill, not a feeling: Full Interview YouTube (Big Think) · 2026
- The Love Expert: The REAL Reason We're Lonely, Loveless, Depressed YouTube · 2023
- Atheist Alain de Botton points out religion's usefulness YouTube · 2012
- Alain de Botton on Love (Google Zeitgeist, London, May 2016) YouTube (The School of Life) · 2016
- Alain de Botton: On Love (talk on The Course of Love) YouTube · 2016
- The Love Expert: The REAL Reason We're Lonely, Loveless, Depressed YouTube · 2023
- Alain De Botton - Religion For Atheists (Ideas at the House) YouTube (Sydney Opera House) · 2013
- How to Write Something Truly Beautiful (Alain de Botton Interview) YouTube · 2025
- Comforting Truths About Human Nature - Alain de Botton YouTube · 2025
- The Course of Love: A Conversation with Alain de Botton (Sternstunde Philosophie) YouTube (SRF Kultur) · 2019
- Alain de Botton: How To Fall In Love With Your Life (Begin Again) YouTube (Begin Again) · 2025
- Love is a skill, not a feeling: Full Interview YouTube (Big Think) · 2026
- Alain de Botton: How To Fall In Love With Your Life (Begin Again) YouTube (Begin Again) · 2025
- Alain de Botton: On Love (talk on The Course of Love) YouTube · 2016
- Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person (Google Zeitgeist) YouTube (Google Zeitgeist) · 2017
- Alain de Botton: What Does It Really Take to Find and Maintain Love Today? (Letters to Venus) YouTube (Letters to Venus) · 2025
- The Course of Love: A Conversation with Alain de Botton (Sternstunde Philosophie) YouTube (SRF Kultur) · 2019
- How to Write Something Truly Beautiful (Alain de Botton Interview) YouTube · 2025
- Alain de Botton: On Love (talk on The Course of Love) YouTube · 2016
- How We Destroyed Our Capacity to Love (Google Zeitgeist) YouTube (Google Zeitgeist) · 2018
- Alain de Botton | The Course of Love YouTube · 2019
- Alain De Botton - Religion For Atheists (Ideas at the House) YouTube (Sydney Opera House) · 2013
- The Love Expert: The REAL Reason We're Lonely, Loveless, Depressed YouTube · 2023
- Comforting Truths About Human Nature - Alain de Botton YouTube · 2025
- How to Write Something Truly Beautiful (Alain de Botton Interview) YouTube · 2025